I woke up this morning wanting to fucking scream and cry, not necessarily in that order.
I was so frustrated because I've had five migraines over the last five days. I was frustrated that I couldn’t get as much work done as I wanted to. I was frustrated that I wasn’t sleeping well. I was frustrated that I wanted to soak up the last few days I had at this Airbnb before we moved, but I couldn’t because of all of this.
And honestly, I was frustrated that I was frustrated.
So instead of doing my normal morning routine, I decided to take a long shower and took my time getting dressed, with no plans to go anywhere. I felt a tiny bit better, but I was still in a shitty mood. Then I looked at my calendar and saw that I needed to film a bunch of content. There was absolutely no way I could do that feeling this way.
So I did something I would NEVER normally do. I went grocery shopping in the middle of the day, by myself, on a Wednesday, when I had work to do. And I took my damn time, walked down every single aisle, read ingredient labels, didn’t stress about the things I thought I should be doing instead. And somehow I ended up spending more than two hours at the grocery store.
Which is kind of fucking insane for how much work I had to do.
But by the time I walked home, slowly by the way, I no longer wanted to scream or cry. None of the things that frustrated me that morning had magically disappeared. I had just given myself time alone and permission to move slowly through something I needed to do anyway.
And apparently, that was exactly what I needed.
If I have an errand to run and I notice that I’m feeling overwhelmed, irritated or rushed, sometimes I deliberately stop treating the errand like something to get over with and start treating it like something I have the privilege to do.
I go alone, listen to music, move slowly & let myself wander.
I don’t try to rush just because the task could technically be done faster.
I just slow down and treat it like an experience.
That day, I came home with
Aloe vera gel, glycerin, sweet almond oil, olive oil, vaseline, honey, Greek yogurt, oats, sea salt, lemon, cucumber, strawberries, green tea, apple cider vinegar, white vinegar, hydrogen peroxide, rubbing alcohol, baking soda, cinnamon, vanilla extract, rice, raspberries and cornstarch.
All things that fuel me internally and feel good externally. But the most useful thing I came home with wasn’t listed on my receipt.
I used to think that if I was overwhelmed, I needed to remove things. Cancel meetings...skip my workout...drink the feeling away.
But this day showed me something different.
I was “supposed” to be working, but instead I “wasted” time getting ready and going shopping. And as a result, the work I did afterward came from a place of joy, excitement and passion.
Because the slowness WAS the work.
I’ve spent a lifetime believing that slowness was something I could have once everything else was finished. But now I see that slowness is what allows me to do everything else better and with more enjoyment.
Sometimes my body isn’t asking me to remove things from my day…sometimes it’s asking me to just stop rushing through it.
What would change if you stopped trying to get through the ordinary parts of your life so quickly?